October 30, 2009
Finding My Place In the World
Yesterday, about half an hour before I was supposed to leave work and begin my own, personal birthday celebrations at home, PhD Boss called me over to his desk.
PhD: I have a few things for you.
PW: Make it quick. I'm outta here soon.
PhD: YOU make it quick! I need these documents scanned and put on the K drive. I need you to find out what fares are like to and from Palm Springs. And I need you to find everything we have on Pirate-Ninja relations and send them to Kate Johnson.
PW: In the library, or on the K drive?
PhD: K drive.
PW: Who's Kate Johnson?
PhD: She works for PNR. Just type in Johnson on GroupWise, and she'll come up.
PW: Not if I've never emailed her before.
PhD: Yes, cuz you have proxy to my email!
PW: Just to read it! I don't have access to your address list. That's not how it works.
PhD: Fine. I'll get you her address.
I went to my desk and opened the K drive, which is the shared drive where all the folder are for our department. There are 116 folders on the K drive. I shit you not. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.
PW: [yells over to his cube] Dude! There are 116 folders on the K drive, and none of them have anything to do with Pirate-Ninja relations.
PhD: There aren't 116.
PW: I counted them.
PhD: Well, there shouldn't be.
PW: Come over here and look at my screen.
PhD: [begrudgingly comes over] That's too many folders.
PW: I know! You people are crazy! How do you find anything?
PhD: You really can't find the Pirate-Ninja documents?
PW: NOTHING here even remotely pertains to Pirate-Ninja relations, and I am not opening every, single folder.
PhD: It shouldn't look like this. Come over and look at my screen.
PW: Fine. [follows him to his cube]
PhD: This is how the K drive should look.
PW: [smacks forehead] Okay, the only thing different is that you have the folders in list form, and I have them as thumbnails. THERE ARE STILL 116 FOLDERS HERE! How do you find anything?!
PhD: It's easy!
PW: Well, I wasn't here when you geniuses created this mess, and it's not at ALL intuitive, so NO, it's NOT easy.
PhD: It's intuitive! You just have to learn it.
PW: Do you even know what intuitive MEANS?!
PhD: Shut up. Here, I'll find the Pirate-Ninja documents for you. [spends several minutes finding the documents]
PW: [looks out the window and sighs repeatedly]
PhD: THERE! There are the documents!
PW: Yeah, that was easy.
PhD: Now go.
PW: There are 30 documents there. Which ones do you want sent to Kate Johnson?
PhD: Um... Lemme see... [clicks on various items] This one... and this one.
PW: Should I be writing these down?
PhD: I'll tell you what. I'll email you the ones I want you to send to her.
PW: Don't forget to include her email address in the email.
PhD: Jeez, why don't I just send her the email myself?
PW: GREAT IDEA!
PhD: [starts typing the email] You really are something.
PW: [laughing my ass off] And YOU, my dear, are the BEST SECRETARY EVER!
Do you know what this means, my darlings?! It means that I have finally figured out how to bend others to my will! To make them do my bidding! I have finally started to use my powers for EVIL!
On my 40th birthday, I have become a force to be reckoned with! It's the dawning of a new era, I tell you! All shall love me and despair!!!
Comments
ok, "pirate-ninja relations" sounds like it could be soemthing unspeakably filthy. please tell me I'm right?
Posted by: heather at November 2, 2009 10:16 AM