October 12, 2009
Totally Copping To the Fact That I Suck
As my current state of Being My Workplace's Bitch continues to shred my soul, and a general state of ennui encroaches upon all other aspects of my life, I continue to ponder the question: what the hell is going on with my blog?
Most workdays, I can barely manage having any civil, mono-syllabic communication with Husband. I'm sure he's walking on eggshells from day to day, wondering if he's going to get Chipper Wenchie or Dark Cloud Wenchie. I don't envy him.
It's not like I'm bi-polar or clinically depressed or anything. I just feel trapped in a way I never have before. At least, when I was married to a drunk, I had the option of divorcing him. Which I did. But my only option here is finding another job, and, well, I'm going to need a helluva lotta luck for that to come true. Which is also scary -- having to rely on fate and not merely on my exceptional skills and experience.
Ah, yes, we come to the real reason I'm so scowly-faced lately -- lack of control. It is at the root of all the perceived evil in my life. Learning that I can't control other people, only myself, was a pretty easy lesson for me, and one I embraced. At least I had the option of doing something.
But now I face a situation where the only thing I can control is how I deal with the problem, emotionally, and that is NOT easy. I am too easily enraged by people who don't acknowledge and reward my worth. And it makes me feel stupid, like a child stomping her feet on the playground crying, "It's not fair!"
Lame. Especially lame when I have it better than so many others. I have a job, I get a paycheck, I work with nice people, my commute is short, I don't do any manual labor. My glass is half full, and it's a constant struggle for me to see it that way. God, I totally suck.
Then I think about The Great Depression, and both of the World Wars. People had to toil like animals to keep their families together, to keep some semblance of a life, to not starve to death. Now THAT's hardship. How embarassing that I'm constantly whining about being underpaid. I'm sure I'm not instilling any confidence in Husband that I'll be able to tackle anything life throws at us.
I've never been good at sucking it up, but I'm trying. I'm new at this, so cut me some slack, eh? As for my blog, posts may be shorter for a while. But they WILL NOT CEASE. My blog will always be half full!
P.S. Yes, in the previous post, I really did refer to Stella and Daisy as "well-adjusted and well-behaved." I was working on a sliding scale. Compared to a lot of the dogs in my neighborhood, my dogs wreck the bell curve.
Comments
Being a bitch is OK. I believe Husband is capable of dealing with Miz Scowly-face, cause I think it's something that will pass. I hear you about not being acknowledged or valued ... that's called self-respect and that's healthy!
I have confidence your blogs will always be full and I do value and appreciate them, and YOU, very much.
Snippy Bitch
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at October 14, 2009 02:15 PM