November 04, 2009
I Don't Wanna Hear It
Well, it's getting to be That Time Again. I feel compelled to compile a list of the things I don't want anyone to say to me ever, ever again.
1. I'm not ready for winter.
2. It got so cold out!
3. Seems like just last week it was in the 70s!
4. I hate winter.
5. Cold enough for you?
6. Is it summer yet?
7. I can't believe it's so cold out!
8. Aren't you cold?
9. When is that global warming going to kick in?
10. I think this cold weather is because of the global warming.
Suck it up, people! You live in Chicago! Unless this is your first winter here and you moved here from the equator, this is not new. Coldness is not a surprise. But let's review, shall we? Just in case some idiots need a refresher course.
Spring in Chicago = flash floods.
Summer in Chicago = jungle-like humidity.
Autumn in Chicago = absolutely perfect but ridiculously short.
Winter in Chicago = bitter, freezing, deathly cold, and that's without he wind chill factor.
There. See what I did there? Now you are unable to be caught off guard. Huzzah for you!
And as long as I'm satiating my anal-retentive need to make lists, here are the few exceptions to my Never Talk About The Weather rule:
1. If it is wamer in Anchorage, Alaska, than it is here.
2. If the snow on the ground, without drifting, measures four feet or higher.
3. If you are having to scrape ice off your car in August.
4. If it is hailing big enough pieces of ice to render one unconscious.
5. If it is hailing frogs.
6. If it is raining blood.
7. If you have only ever seen snow in pictures.
8. If you are homeless and could die from cold.
9. If you are an honest-to-God farmer with a working farm and depend on mild weather in order to feed your family.
10. If you are an autistic savant and your one area of expertise is weather.
If none of these apply, then you can either shut up or move. Those are your only two options.
Now go put on a sweater.
Comments
was it cold out? I hadn't noticed.....
Posted by: heather at November 4, 2009 04:20 PM
I couldn't agree more! But my honest-to-God farmer father has been reminding me lately that because of the cooler, wetter summer, crops have been slow in developing--pushing back harvest 1-2 months in his area of the state. (Weather is basically the only level on which we have mutually understanding so I hear a lot about it.)
Posted by: JB at November 4, 2009 06:27 PM
You give me a complex. NOw I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if I mentioned the weather on MOnday.....
Posted by: Vicki at November 6, 2009 11:22 AM
I have family who are honest-to-God farmers too. It's been so wet this year crops were slow to plant and now very late in being harvested.
I love weather and don't use the trite but true phrases. Altho if we have a flood I'm OK ... I live on the 9th floor of my condo building.
Snippy Bitch
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at November 7, 2009 08:03 PM