December 04, 2009
Keepin' It Fresh. And Real.
So, yeah, I'm on FaceBook. Where I am Wenchala McPirate because FaceBook, in it's infinite wisdom, wouldn't accept Pirate Wench as a valid name. (It's apparently some guy's shitty job to sit in a room and "review" names all day, and he didn't like any of the first five variations on Wench that I tried.)
[Also? I love that they're like, "Not the Wenchala McPirate you're looking for? Search for others!" Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Dudes. Pretty sure there are no other idiots going around calling themselves Wenchala McPirate.]
I confess, in a desperate bid for your affection, I have for years been trying to come up with a gimmick to set my blog apart for the thou-billion others. But they're all taken. Food, sex, photos, religion, politics, weight-loss, motherhood, celebs, making fun of other blogs -- it's all been done. By the time I entered the blogging world, Dooce had already been fired, and Julie Powell had already cooked her way through Julia Child's cookbook.
You guys, Dooce's fucking DOG has his own calendar for sale. Is it so wrong to long for my tiny, tiny sliver of adoration? Does it make me a bad person to be a whoring whore who whores for your love?
Don't answer that. It's rhetorical.
Here's my criteria for Wenchie's New Gimmick:
1. Must allow me to be even more creative than I already am.
2. Must allow me to connect with my beloved flying monkeys on a daily basis.
3. Must require very little effort from me.
The obvious solution? Daily photos!
Now, I know that my blog already features posts that are photo-based, but they require cutting and pasting and cropping and resizing and uploading and are generally in complete opposition to criteria item number three. Therefore, the photos that I will feature daily on my FaceBook page will be taken with my lovely and talented phone. So not only will they be poor-quality photos of completely stupid things, they will be even MORE blurry and retarded than everyone else's!
And there, my friends, is my gimmick. Completely shitty photography of things you wish you could erase from your brain. And no, it's not going to be like "outsider art" where it's so crappy that it's somehow profound. It's just going to be plain, ol' crappy. My gift to YOU, world!
In fact, I guarantee that you will look at these photos and feel a warm, smug glow of self-satisfaction when you think to yourself -- Jeebus on a bicycle, not only do I take better pictures, but my life is SO much more interesting. Just knowing how lame Wenchie is makes me feel better about myself. Thank you, Wenchie!
You're welcome, my darlings. You're welcome.
Took me ten minutes on Thesaurus.com to come up with a Wench-worthy name for my ***NEW FEATURE***. Contenders included Slapdash Snapshots, Incidental Images, and Wenchie's Totally Gay Photos. But I finally settled on...
*** ARBITRARY APERTURE ***
Nice, huh?
In short -- *snort* when have I ever made anything short?! -- go Friend me on FaceBook and vastly improve your life. You won't regret it!
P.S. Well, duh, the photos will be accompanied by snarky comments. Like I could help myself!
Comments
for the record, I voted for "Wenchie's totally gay photos". because I am offensive.
Posted by: heather at December 4, 2009 11:07 AM
I'd ask you where do I sign up, except I already am. Looking forward to the awful photos. Can't be worse than the craptacular pix I take.
-L.
Posted by: Lori at December 4, 2009 11:55 AM