December 07, 2009
Professional Placeholder
Being a temp, my position is always precarious. And my work friend, JB, knows she's leaving this summer because her husband, a pastor, will be getting hired at a church God-knows-where. So we made a pact -- on the last day of employment for whichever one of us leaves first, we are having a multiple-margarita lunch.
[Even though it has no relevence to the story whatsoever, I'd like to note here that I have seen JB's pastor-husband shake his ass on the dance floor.]
Well, my last day is February 15. Mark your calendar, JB! Actually, mark it for Friday the 12th, cuz I ain't comin' in on no Monday. However, I also reserve the right to call you AT ANY TIME for margaritas because -- who knows! My last day could be tomorrow, depending on what Her Majesties in HR decide.
Apparently, there's some rule on our books that you can't keep a temp person on indefinitely. This, as you may imagine, is news to me, since I will be celebrating my three year anniversary of when I started working here, on the day I am also drowning my sorrows in margaritas. But perhaps they mean per position and not cumulatively? Well, either way it's a bullshit made-up rule because this is not the longest I've ever worked in the same position.
Bottom line is, the HR harpies (HaRpies?) have decided I've been here long enough and have to go. Mind you, they gave no heads-up or two-week warning to the Head of my Department. They merely told him to boot me out.
And since they were keeping Head in the dark anyway, the HaRpies also went to the office of the treasurer and got money put back in our budget to reinstate my position back to a full-time position with benefits.
Great news, Wenchie! You'll be able to start hitting the outlet malls again!
Oh, not so fast, my little eager beavers. There's always a catch, remember? And the catch is -- I'm not allowed to apply for my own job! My bosses aren't allowed to hire me to do the job I'm already doing! Of course! Why would they be allowed to pick their own support person? This is the CHURCH, for Jeebus' sake! We have to think about the children, or the terrorists have already won!
In the lengthy talk that Head had with me (I am really so grateful to him for being really honest and telling me everything, including how angry he is!), he mentioned that HaRpie #1 had given him some sob story about some former employee who was let go recently and is single with several kids and can't afford to buy milk, or some such thing. So MY job has been ear-marked for her. I am now, officially, just a placeholder. Like those people who sit in the seats of people who have to go pee during the Oscars? Only way less glamorous.
Needless to say (but I'm gonna say it anyway, you know I am), Head is extremely upset and is totally fighting this. PhD Boss is livid and feels extremely helpless because all this is going on while he's out of the country for several weeks. And I'm upset because I have EARNED this job, and their trust, and their respect, but apparently, I'm not WORTHY because I'm not poor enough. I'm just a rich, surburban housewife who works so that I'm not reaching for the vodka at 10:00 a.m. Right?
Is this even legal? Can I get a ruling on this?
HaRpie #1 wanted me gone effective immediately, since Friday marked the end of my sixth month in this position, but Head is trying to convince them to make me "contract" so I can stay on, since I can't stay on as a temp, according to the new rule. That would at least buy us some time, during which I could hire a hitman to off both HaRpies.
Currently, they are considering letting me be on contract, but only until February 15th, which is when the benefits run out for the people who were laid off. So basically, Single Mom gets a nice, three-month vacation while I keep her chair warm, and then I'm tossed aside like used Kleenex.
"Nothing is settled!"
"Everything is up in the air!"
"We're not giving up!"
So say Head and PhD Boss and Bea. But I've dealt with HR before, and I know in my heart that the HaRpies have already promised my job to their little Single Mom Pet Project. I am gonna be celebrating Valentine's Day by packing up my desk.
I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for that?
Comments
damn it, this story makes me want to cut a bitch.
Posted by: heather at December 7, 2009 05:51 PM
Oh, you know those 'ritas will be needed.
Posted by: JB at December 8, 2009 10:45 PM
Honestly, I don't think it is legal. You just want your job, I'm sure, but should it go that far, you probably have a case.
Posted by: Homidus Celtus Corax (Kes) at December 9, 2009 01:53 PM