April 12, 2010
A Tale of Two Planters
Billi! Look what you made me do!
Recognize this? It's the damn plant you bought me because the little owl pot it was in was so cute.
Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but couldn't you have just replanted the plant into one of the many pots of plants at your house, filled the owl pot with M&Ms and given it to me that way?
When I got the owl pot, I was like, "Oh, cute! The plant will die soon, and then I can put whatever I want in the owl -- like acorns or Barbie shoes or Q-tips. Awesome!"
You see, plants hate me. My Grandma had a fern for seventeer years, and when she died, my Dad gave it to me. No idea why. It was dead inside a month. Can you imagine the guilt?! Emotionally scarred by a plant!
I can kill cactuses. (Cacti?) I can kill air ferns. I can kill any plant simply by being in close proximity to it. That's my super-power.
So I set Billi's plant on the windowsill in my kitchen, and Husband said, "Oh, that's a begonia!"
Jeebus, don't tell me it's NAME! I don't want to know it's name! It's harder for me to passively and unemotionally anticipate its imminant demise if it has a NAME!
Of course, Husband doesn't understand this because he grew up in a world where they named their animals and then ate them. So he can't comprehend why I don't want to be on a first-name basis with a plant.
And I am now, of course, bonding with the damn begonia. Even had to make Husband find a bigger planter and replant it. It's THRIVING. Can you believe it? A plant! Thriving! Around ME!
I am beholden unto a plant. Obligated to water it. To worry about its leaves. To express pride at seeing new growth. I have yet another living thing dependent on me, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT, BILLI!
Stupid plant.
Comments
Yes, the proper term is cacti, and I killed one, too. I also killed catnip, and that's a WEED!
Posted by: Lori at April 13, 2010 03:15 PM