June 30, 2010
Dishing on the Interview
What is it about interviews that make people use the word "dish" as a verb? Heather is the third person today to tell me to "dish" about the interview.
I wore all black. Like Johnny Cash. Or Kenny Rogers. Probably more like Kenny Rogers than I care to imagine. Hey, I don't own a navy blue suit, so I went with what I know.
Anyhoooooo...
Cast of Characters
(I should probably give these guys names, if there's a chance I'll be working with them from here on out..)
Steel: Named so because of his steel grey hair. I worked for him for several months last year. He is often described as "persnickety," but I liked working for him. Our respective obsessive-compulsive behaviors complimented each other quite nicely. He's even more organized and detail-oriented than I am, so there were never any surprises or last-minute assignments.
WM: Named so because those are his initials, and I like how those two letters look together. WM was brand new when I was working for Steel. I never reported to him directly, but my assessment of him is that he's calm, quietly in control, slow to anger, and very honest. He's the kind of guy you want on your team.
HRT2: H.R. Troll #2. Second in command in H.R. Hates whitey. Doesn't like to hire whitey. Likes to hire people of color who are in dire straights and desperately need the income. Makes for some questionable hiring practices and less-than-steller employees. She also has final say on all new hires, and does not possess the ability to mask her contempt.
In short, the interview would have been great if it'd been with just Steel and WM. As it was, I was more nervous than I've been in years. Singing and dancing like a spaz for an audience of 800? Walk in the park. My wedding vows? Piece of cake. (Get it?) Job interview with three people I've known for three years? GOD-AWFUL HORRIFYING!!!
There were some questions I answered quite well, and I remember thinking, Awwwwwww, yeah, that was exactly what they wanted to hear! But for the life of me, I can't remember what they were. I have a touch of stress-induced amnesia, like the day after finals.
It's funny. There were a few questions where I could tell that they were looking for a specific answer. Seven years of waiting tables made me pretty good at reading peoples' faces and tailoring my service to their expectations. So I'd just start talking until I saw someone perk up, and then I'd really hammer home whatever it was I said that got their attention.
But most of the time, I was just brutally honest because I didn't have the wherewithall to spin anything or remember one damn piece of good advice that anyone gave me. I think I may have admitted to having an inappropriate sense of humor sometimes, and not liking being on my feet all day, and blowing llamas.
Why is it so hard to sell ourselves and say complimentary things about ourselves?! Why can I type here with such conviction that I AM THE SHIZZLE, but I lose all confidence when it counts?! Well, at least I didn't mention the Barbies or the blog.
The hardest question was, "What are three words that describe you?"
Um... hungry, racist and sarcastic? Fat, horny and clairvoyant? Demanding, superficial and high-maintainence?
I ended up saying, "Organized, easy-going and... funny."
Yeah. I panicked. I should not have gone with funny. But that's what everyone always tells me! And SHE WROTE IT DOWN, for God's sake! Oh, and it gets better.
"What are three words that PhD Boss would use to describe you?"
Oh. My. God. He often tells me how much he appreciates me and respects me, but he's never actually used adjectives. Are they going to check my answers with him later?
"Wow. Um... hard-working, fast learner... and funny. We joke around a lot."
OHMYGOD! It's like I was TRYING to sabotage myself! Funny twice? Really? You think you're THAT funny, Wenchie? Jeebus. Get over yourself.
Last question: "And what are three words another colleague would use to describe you?"
At this point, I could only assume they were trying to get me to say funny again.
"Well, the person I work most closely with, after PhD, is Alpha. And I think she would say that I'm a good worker, nice to have around, and... helpful."
What about my Mom, HRT2? You wanna know what I think my Mom would say about me? HUH??? C'mon, bitch -- BRING IT.
Sometimes, they'd ask a question, and I'd have absolutely zero answer, or I'd forget the question halfway through my answer (happened twice), so I'd just pull a politician's move and start talking about whatever I wanted to talk about.
Then they hit me with, "Is there anything you feel we should have asked you and didn't?"
Oh, honey. It's time for mama to shine.
"I think you should have asked me about my personal code of work ethics."
"Okay, then! Go ahead!"
And that's when I finally got on the ball and started selling myself.
There's no such thing as It's not my job. Anything anyone asks me to do is my job.In the unlikely event that I run out of things to do, I will ask for more work.
There's no such thing as I don't know. It's I'm not sure, but I will find out for you.I keep my home life at home. I don't bring my problems to the office.
Unless I'm absolutely impossibly swamped, I will always help a colleague when asked.
I don't freak out under pressure.
I don't whine.
I make a point to be the kind of person that I would want to work with -- kind, helpful and professional.
It'll be two weeks before I know if I made "first cut." If so, there will be follow-up questions and/or some sort of task to complete... They're not really sure, at this point, what the rest of the process will look like. Fun, huh?
My tits looked great.
Comments
Don't they always?
Posted by: Marty at June 30, 2010 09:17 AM
Yeah for great looking tits!!!
Your answers rocked too :)
Posted by: Hope at June 30, 2010 09:27 AM
1> Glad that your tits looked great.
2> I'm going to have to steal your work ethics thing. That's perfect.
3> Fingers crossed.
Posted by: Vicki at June 30, 2010 11:37 AM