August 24, 2010
A Summer Retrospective
With a title like that, I'll bet you're expecting some wistful recounting of a romantic fling, or a retelling of some exotic vacation adventure. Wrong. Life only takes the summer off when you're in grade school. This is just stuff that happened while I was trying not to sweat. (Yes, I did more this summer than just obsess about my job. But not much more.)
Pedophilia
Jesus H. Glistening Christ, when did the neighbor's son get so damn hawt? Last summer, he was a scrawny twig who looked ridiculous in his hockey and football uniforms. But I caught a glimpse of him exiting their pool one July afternoon, and all of a sudden, the world went all slo-motion. He hoisted himself out of the pool with one arm, using chest and back muscles I didn't know existed. It was very Phoebe-Cates-In-Fast-Times-At-Ridgemont-High, only reversed. And then I snapped out of it and felt like a dirty, old lady. Now I can't even look him in the eye. I don't want to look at him because I don't want to get caught looking at him. *sigh*
The Date Is Set
Older Step Daugther will be getting married in a three-hour, Orthodox ceremony, to which I will be bringing a book. The date is set for July 3, 2011, which is kind of ironic -- giving up one's independence the day before we celebrate our country's independence. But then, I'm a bitter, cynical bitch. So I'll just shut-up, wear something conservative, sit in the back, and bring a really good present. Assuming I'm invited.
Frontierville
This little nightmare started on a Friday that I stayed home with a migraine. Once lying in bed groaning lost its magic, I got on the computer. Because what's better for a migraine than staring at a computer screen? Billi was on FB and, via FB Chat, pressured me to join Frontierville so she'd have more neighbors because neighbors = benefits. I didn't stop playing Frontierville until late that Sunday night. In case you're lucky enough to be unfamiliar, here's what it looks like:
Should be called Why-Wenchie's-House-Is-Messy-Ville. I haven't had one productive hour all summer. Thanks, Billi! Hope your laundry never gets done!
...
And now I'm thinking about what else I want to write about, but really, I just want to get back on Frontierville. I don't like where I have my windmill and want to move it. Perhaps over by the shed...?
Comments
I don't know when I've laughed harder at your rantings......oh, maybe at the J. Jill post. Or the meatloaf/spaghetti one. Never mind....
Posted by: Diane Schmidt at August 24, 2010 10:53 AM
Re: Pedophilia: I know what you mean, Wenchie. My husband's nephew was an adorable five-year-old when he was in our wedding; now he's a hot young 24 year old who was on the swim team in HS and College. I'm his aunt (by marriage), so I can't drool in front of him, but Jeebus, it's hard not to.
Posted by: Lori at August 24, 2010 12:22 PM
looking for that windmill was like looking for Waldo. Your animals look way overcrowded. i am calling PETA in the morning.
Posted by: Stac at August 24, 2010 07:56 PM