September 27, 2010
Two Weeks and Counting
The Dream Team has been assembled. The executives have been shut out of the restructuring process. The underlings have been ignored, debased and demoralized. You know what time it is?
It's two weeks to D-Day! The Big Reveal! The Unveiling of the Organizational Restructuring! The Giant Shit Storm!
Okay, I know I said I wouldn't be bitching about work again until afterwards, when we all find out if we're going to have to go live in a van down by the river, or if we're staying to trade forty hours of work a week for forty pieces of silver.
Wow. Has it gotten more bitter in here? I need to put on a sweater.
What's The Dream Team, you ask? The Dream Team is the group of eight random people who are deciding the fate of THE ENTIRE CHURCH BODY. Oh, and did I mention that they are doing it all without any input of the executives? Because they are.
Yeah, the executives don't even get to decide which of their people get to stay or go. Why ask those who might have an actual clue, when you can choose TWO PEOPLE to decide the fate of 250?
Guess which two people. Go ahead. Guess. I'll give you a hint. One of them is someone I ocassionally see in the elevator and whom has never warrented a mention in my blog, and is therefore HUGELY qualified to judge whether or not I'm longterm material.
And the other? Oh, my darlings, you've come to learn this place too well. Yes. It's H.R. Troll #1. The grandmammy of all H.R. Trolls. Who, coincidentally, I happened to say "Poop, poop, poop!" in front of last week, and "It sucked!" in front of today. My professionalism knows know bounds!
I might as well just serve her my keycard on a silver platter. Garnish it with some pencil shavings and communion wafers...
Anyhoo, despite The Dream Team's fear tactics, information has leaked out. Add that to some pretty well-informed speculation, and we here down in the muck have a pretty damn good idea of what's going to happen. Well, at least I do. People like to tell me things.
Rumors are flying. Some are hilarious. Some will most certainly come to pass. Fear is palpable in the building, and everyone is kind of gearing-up for mass indignation, disgust and resentment. And Head Boss is no exception. He's so pissed, I truly believe he's psyching himself up to reject whatever offer The Dream Team makes him.
And they will make him an offer.
Doesn't mean anything for me, though. I'm 99% sure I'm destined to be floatsam. You see, the TWO PEOPLE who are deciding which personnel will carry-on after the man-made disaster have made it known that their first priority is "inclusivity." I.e. get rid of whitey.
But back to Head Boss. He served two decades in one of the most prominent -- and demanding -- positions in the entire organization. When he retired, he was the first of his kind to EVER be granted Emeritus status by the people he served. And then, he came out of retirement -- and moved across five states -- to continue to serve this place at the H.Q. He is truly dedicated to our mission.
On October 8, The Dream Team are going to tell the executives exactly what The Big Restructuring is all about. That's a Friday. So they get to live with that knowledge all weekend. Knowing who's staying and going. Knowing that their people are wondering and obsessing and losing sleep. Knowing what they're going to have to do the following Monday.
And then on Monday the 11th, the execs get to call their people -- i.e. ME -- into their offices and tell us our fates.
Oh, but there's a glitch in the system.
MY executive won't be there on the 11th.
Two years ago, he was invited to a big, huge THING. It's a B.F.D., and he can't not go. He leaves on Sunday, October 10th, and doesn't return until the following Sunday. (Which, incidently, are the exact dates of Billi's family vacation to Disney World. Coincidence...?)
Upset at the prospect of making us wait a week to find out or, slightly less distasteful, having to possibly fire us over the phone, Head Boss went to H.R. Troll #1 and asked if he could assemble us at his house on Saturday the 9th and tell us all then.
With her sweetest, cheeriest smile, she said, "Absolutely not!"
"Well, what are my options?"
"You can have Lord God Kind of the Company or his Second In Command tell them."
"But they're MY people!"
"Sorry!"
So now you know why Head Boss is so infuriated. He's worked with Alpha for over a decade. And with PhD Boss for... five or six years, but I'm sure it seemed like a decade. He loves them. And he's just agonizing over not being able to be there for them.
Not one to be deterred easily, Head Boss is going straight to the top and asking Lord God King and Second In Command for special dispensation. I'm very interested to see what the outcome of all this is. Not that I give a crap who tells me to pack my things.
No, I'm more curious to see whether Head Boss goes rogue if denied the ability to do what is The Right Thing. To whom is he more loyal -- his people, or the company that is screwing them?
Stay tuned, kittens. I'm hoping for at least one complete breakdown when the shit begins its journey downhill. And who knows -- I may just have a front row seat.
Comments
see, I love you for setting up the fact that Head Boss has to call up 'lord god king' and 'second in command' and ask them to "let my people go"....
Posted by: heather at September 28, 2010 09:44 AM
I do love a good shit show. I'm sorry for you and the other capable people who are taking one up the pooper, but at the very least you've got some good blog content :)
Posted by: Hope at September 28, 2010 03:47 PM