November 15, 2010
Getting Up the Nerve
In all my dating life, I never once got asked out. Oxymoron, you say? How could I date if I never got asked out? Easy-peasy, silly-kins. I did all the asking. (To the shock of no one and the chagrin of my Mother.)
I just never had the patience to wait around for some guy to get up the nerve to ask me, especially after several of them told me I'm "intimidating."
[What? Lil' ol' me? *eyelash flutter*]
Who wants to wait for some guy to man-up? Who has that kind of time?
So I was always the asker. And yeah, I got turned down a couple times... I'm assuming... maybe? Enh, probably not. Which is why it just got easier every time I did it. Seriously, I will ask out anyone. I will ask out your Dad.
But I am constantly stymied about asking out women. Should be easy, right? They're not going to turn me down because of my chunky thighs, or because of what their friends might think, or because they think they won't score. But asking another woman to start an active, deliberate friendship is SO HARD.
There's so many things to take into consideration. Does she think I'm as cool as I think she is? Does she even have room for another friend in her life? Will our difference in marital/political/employment status get in the way?
We've gone out a few times in group settings, but I really wanna get to know her one-on-one. She's a vegetarian and an animal rights activist, so I was afraid she'd be kind of a goody-goody, ya know? Disapprove of my love of bacon and the fact that I don't let my dogs sleep with me.
But she's sooooooooo not like that. She has that slightly dark side, that appreciation of the kind-of-horrible, that intolerance of emo drama -- all of which I love so much in a friend. And the best part? She is Geographically Desirable! I wouldn't have to get on an expressway and/or drive into the city to see her! Gah! I so wanna hang out with her!
And now you see my problem -- I'm afraid of coming across as pushy and/or desparate. Which I'm not! I have lots of awesome, dark, vaguely-horrible, drama-intolerant friends! Am I selfish to want one more?
UGH! This was so much easier when my coursing hormones made my decisions for me! But it's hard to throw caution to the wind when I'm not looking to get naked with her... When you take romance out of the equation, you're left with the real cogs of a relationship: personality and compatability. And there's no rush of desire to make us blind when that's not working.
I don't know. Maybe I'll just let it happen organically. Or maybe, for the first time in my life, I'll wait to be asked.
Comments
I identify with absolutely everything in this post. :)
Posted by: Sam at November 15, 2010 08:33 PM
Sorry, I don't. I, too, asked a lot of guys out; especially in high school, otherwise I probably never would have dated. Yes, some said no, but some said yes, and we had a good time. All were flattered to be asked, even by a geek like me.
Females also are no problem. One thing I've never been accused of is being shy. If I want to get to know someone better, I'll go up and talk to said person. I also can read people rather well, so I can discern if they want to talk or want me to go away.
-L.
Posted by: Lori at November 16, 2010 11:57 AM
I LOVE this post.
I went through similar angst when I stole you from my sister.
Just go for it. I'm sure she thinks you are absolutely as cool as you are.
Posted by: Vicki at November 16, 2010 12:49 PM