February 03, 2011
Kinda, Sorta an Honor
Okay, weird, vague fairy tales aside, I figured I should give y'all the straight poop on my newest venture back into the cesspoll from wence I fled.
Last Tuesday, January 25, H.R. Troll #2 left a message for me. I didn't get it until late in the afternoon because I was living it up at the mall with Billi and the Kidlets, shopping for Husband's birthday.
Upon hearing the message -- which was simply "Call me back," -- I immediately called every person I know in the organization, asking them what they know about who might be hiring. The last thing I want is another measely temp job paying me way less than I'm worth, so if that was the case, I wanted to be able to steel myself to turn it down. These things take some talking oneself into sometimes.
I kept hitting informational dead ends,... until I called PhD Boss.
PW: Dude. What have you heard about anyone in the building hiring?
PhD: Um... Hang on for a minute, will ya?
PW: [hangs on for about a minute and a half, wondering where the hell he went]
PhD: Okay. Head Boss and I have known that this was in the works for about six weeks, but you didn't hear it from us.
What?! They had knowledge of all this for six weeks and didn't tell me?! What good is it having friends in high places if they aren't going to tell me what's coming down the pike?
But I didn't think it was prudent to chew-out someone who was about to help me at his own peril, so I just listened. Turns out, the person I would be working directly under is... The Vice President of the Entire Company. (I think I have called her Vy in past posts, so I will continue with that.) The Rev. Dr. Vy.
Holy crap. Not only is she Second in Command of an organization that essentially serves millions of people and an impeccable dresser, but she's is one of the TWO people in the organization who are allowed to choose their own support staff.
And she. Chose. ME.
I am as stunned as you are, ladies and gents. Not only does my awesome reputation reach incredibly far into the stratousphere, but they have FINALLY recognized that I deserve a position of PRESTIGE. A position worthy of my VAST SPHERE OF TALENTS AND SKILLS. And here, I thought they would remain blind to me forever. Seriously. Floored here.
PhD had no further details for me, but I didn't need them. If they were willing to elevate me from underpaid, underappreciated underdog, I was willing to listen. So I called HRT2 back.
She asked me, "Would you be willing to take another position?"
And I told her, "Well, I'd be willing to discuss another position. But I'm not going to accept until I know the details."
So she said she'd call me back with the details the next day. Really? You called me without knowing any details? After this being "in the works" for six weeks? What the hell? Why the pointless preliminary call?
By noon the next day, they still hadn't called, so I went to the grocery store. And of course, HRT2 called while I was in the pasta aisle.
She told me I'd be working for Vy on a six month contract and making 50% more than what they were previously paying me. Ho. Lee. Crap. I was way happy about the money -- still am! -- but I was less thrilled with the whole six-month-contract bullshit. So I asked what happens in six months.
Well, the organization is still going through a period of change, and the position may change, i.e. more responsibilities, or less responsibilities, or different responsibilities. And it's true. The laying off of so many people has really put the place into way more of a tailspin than they expected, so I buy that.
But really -- could they add anything to an administrative assistant position that I couldn't do? NO. So I asked for a guarantee, but HRT2 couldn't give that because, if the position changes, she is "obligated" to open it up to the people who've been laid off. So, yeah. I may have to go through an interview process for a job that I already have.
It makes no sense, and it smells like flaming dog doo to me, so I asked if I could call her back in a couple hours with my answer. Then it was her turn to be floored.
"I'm... shocked to hear you say that. And I have to tell you -- you were the only person that we considered for this position."
And if that wasn't painful enough for her to have to tell me, she went on and on singing my praises, buttering me up. Boy, Vy must've made it very clear to her that I was the one she wanted. Must've almost killed HRT2 to have to convince me -- let alone admit to herself -- how valuable I am to the organization.
I wandered around the frozen food aisle, confused and torn and upset and way too emotional to make an objective decision. I couldn't even decide what pizza to bring home!
But when I got home, I realized I'd have to be stupid to turn down money that good. And I have six months to convince Vy that, should it come down to interviews, they will be merely a formality because she can't live without me.
And if the worst happens -- if I have to go through interviews and MY job is given to someone else for personal and/or political reasons. Well, at least the most recent position on my resumé will be a damn impressive one, and my most recent salary will be the same. It'll give me a better jumping-off point, if nothing else.
In the meantime, I was able to buy some nice clothes, and I got TWO snow days in my first week of work. Yeah, it's all pretty much downhill from here.