March 28, 2011
Bacteria Is Just the Frosting on the Birthday Cake
What the hell is wrong with you people? And by "you people," I mean Americans. Your work ethic is retarded.
You are such self-important martyrs that you go work all sick and germy and contagious, and you're like, "No... I'm okay... I just really have to... answer these emails."
And then you stay all damn day -- despite everyone, including your boss, telling you to go the hell home -- coughing on everything and touching common area surfaces with your bacteria-laden hands.
Memo to sickies: No one is impressed. No one thinks you are awesomely taking one for the team, or dedicated to the mission statement, or whatever it is you're trying to prove. Everyone is just looking at you sideways, thinking, If I get sick this week, I am going to piss in his coffee.
So, yeah, thanks Asshole Who Came Into Work Sick On Friday. And special thanks to Asshole's Asshole Boss Who Made Asshole Come Into Work Because He Had Ordered A Cake For Asshole's Birthday. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sick now, courtesy of The Asshole Duo. Started yesterday with a sore throat and general ennui. Woke up this morning fully congested and sporting a pair of swollen neck glands. My head hurts. My back hurts. My teeth hurt.
Not even two months into my new job, and I'm already having to take a sick day. Great. That'll make a fantastic impression. Also? I had better not be sick for more than two days because that's the amount of sick days I have available. Nevermind that, on January 15, I ended my other position with eight sick days still on the table. Those went away when I moved to a different position with a new contract. Thank you, workplace, for finding yet another way to screw me over!
I'm dead tired but afraid to lay down because I know my sinuses will slam shut the second I get horizontal. And then I'll have to breathe through my mouth and wake up with an even sorer throat and a mouth as dry as Bea Arthur's elbow skin.
So I'm staying home. I will keep my infectious fluids to myself and single-handedly attempt to break the cycle of arrogant martyrdom.
Bitch, whine, moan.
Comments
I have pretty much the same thing. And I'm at work. I figured they gave it to me (assholes), they can have it back.
Posted by: Vicki at March 28, 2011 11:46 AM
Feel better!!! I hate people who go to work sick. I'm enjoying not having coworkers :)
Posted by: Hope at March 28, 2011 09:09 PM
haha bea arthurs elbow skin
Posted by: stacey at March 28, 2011 09:36 PM