March 07, 2011
The Scooch
The place -- My adorable and pristine home office.
The time -- 6:45 this morning.
Stella: It's been over a day and a half since Daisy last let me smell her butt. I really need to smell me some butt! [sits on my beige rug, scooches her butt on it, intently sniffs the residual smudge]
PW: What the--?! NOOOOOOOOO!!! BADDOG, BADDOG, BADDOG!
S: Geez, Mom, you scared me! What is your problem?
PW: What is my problem?! You just scooched your sphincter juice onto my rug!
S: No, Mom, it's okay. Relax. I smelled it, and it's totally fine.
PW: It's NOT fine! What part of this is FINE?
S: I smelled the smudge, it smells the same as it did a few days ago, so I'm totally fine. You don't have to worry about me. I'm completely healthy.
PW: You're not going to be healthy after I beat the shit out of you!
S: Mom, you are totally over-reacting! I don't understand what the problem is!
PW: The PROBLEM is that I now have ass-tracks on my office rug!
S: Would you rather I did it in the living room?
PW: I'd RATHER you didn't do it AT ALL!
S: Well, that's just impracticle. How am I supposed to know how my butt is doing if I don't smell it on ocassion?
PW: I don't give a shit how your butt is doing! I spend thousands of dollars a year so that my home DOESN'T smell like butt! STOP SCOOCHING ON MY RUG!
S: ... What time do you go to work?
PW: I hate you.
Comments
Blahahahahaha!!!!!!
On a serious note, maybe her anal glands are bothering her? The vet or a trained groomer can empty them :)
Posted by: Hope at March 7, 2011 10:22 AM
Don't ever say the words "anal glands" to me again.
Posted by: Wenchie at March 7, 2011 01:45 PM
LOL, but I'm serious! You don't want them to get so bad they rupture - then you're dog has to wear a diaper.
You know how those glands work right? Oh hell, I'm going to explain it because someone reading this won't know and it's one of those things you can't UN-know once you know it. Kind of like when people find out Pizzle or Bully Sticks for their dogs are really bull penises. LOVE telling people that. Seriously, bull penis, that's what you're dog is eating. Still wanna buy them?
Anyway, the ANAL GLANDS are expressed naturally when the dog poops. If the poop isn't firm enough, the ANAL GLANDS aren't epxressed naturally. Thus, scooting. Some dogs have nice hard poops but still have this problem for whatever reason. To stop the scooting/licking of the butthole, your vet or a trained groomer can express the ANAL GLANDS. Do NOT be in the room when it happens and in both cases, you'll want your dog to have a bath after because the smell lingers. It's a smell 1000 times worse than any poop you've ever smelled.
The more you know!!! (cue the shooting star across the screen)
Posted by: Hope at March 7, 2011 03:12 PM
It was always funny when Charlie did that in Nicki's house, and never funny when he did it in mine.
Posted by: Vicki at March 8, 2011 03:50 PM
I have 2 cats, one of which likes to "boot scoot" as I call it on my kitchen throw rug. Sometimes she does it when she is trying to remove something, but other times she doesn't have anything on her. I think she has an itch?
Posted by: Rachelle at March 10, 2011 04:12 PM