April 13, 2011
Ch-Ch-Ch-Change
I think Husband's crotch is magnetized. And I say this because the man accumulates pocket change at a rate that defies any other explanation. How many cash purchases can a man possibly make in one day?! Is he playing the saxaphone, badly, in the subway for loose change?
So when I do laundry every week, I empty out his pockets (because, no, I have not been successful in training him to do this himself) and put the change in a pretty pottery jar on our kitchen counter. And once a month, I empty the pretty pottery jar of change into a big, yellow, plastic tumbler. And twice a year, I take the tumbler to the bank and dump it into the coin counting machine and deposit thirty to fifty dollars into our auxilary bank account.
(Essentially, this is how we are paying for Older Step Daughter's wedding.)
Today was the day I was going to go to the bank after work. I put the very-full tumbler in the beverage holder next to me and drove to work quite uneventfully. However, I didn't want to just leave the cup there for the whole day.
It's like, "Hello, petty thieves! Please break into my car and do five hundred dollars worth of damage for thirty dollars of change!"
I don't think so. So I put the cup behind the passenger seat, where no one would see it because our back windows are tinted. You see where this is going, don't you? Uh-huh.
When Padawan and I went to lunch, I pulled out of my parking space, put the car in drive, and... SCHLINGGGGGGGGGGGGG! The pretty, tinkling sound of change spilling all over the floor of the back seat of my car.
Shit.
Well, I wasn't about to stop and waste precious lunch minutes picking up change, so I just drove to the deli and listened to the puddle of change spread ever farther each time I turned a corner, braked or accelerated. A constant reminder of my non-existant short-term memory.
I was too disheartened by my own stupidity to go to the bank after work, so I went home and had some chocolate, in order to steel myself for what had to be done. I found an old dog treat container -- with a lid -- and leaned into the back of the car, treating all my neighbors to the sight of my fat, yoga-pants-clad ass.
"Hello, commuters getting off the train and walking home! Please enjoy the cotton-and-spandex goodness of -- almost literally -- the junk in my trunk!"
I put all the change in an empty dog treat container -- with a lid. Did I mention that?
Moral of the Story
Buy a car so that you don't have to take the train home and get off at the stop by my house and be subjected to the vision of my butt sticking outta my car. You'll thank me later. (What -- you thought I was going to caution you again driving with a huge open container of coins?)
Comments
Well, we weren't going to tell you about our sax & guitar duo that we've started up on the bus to work. They throw change to make us stop playing.
Half of that coinage is mine.....
Posted by: Vicki at April 14, 2011 01:12 PM
Yeah? Well, you can come pick it outta my filthy floormats yourself.
Posted by: Wenchie at April 14, 2011 05:04 PM
Hahahahaha!! Sorry but that's funny. If it makes you feel any better I would have spilled it as well. But I would have just let the change stay there forever until I was at a parking meter and would THEN dangle my ass end out of my car.
Posted by: Hope at April 16, 2011 07:13 PM