September 20, 2011
September Photo Diary: Part I of II
God, I have weird stuff on my camera. I mean, usually, it's loaded with photos of Billi's brood and/or my dogs looking stupid and/or Wisconsin landscapes. And Barbies. Always Barbies.
But lately, I have had... just... well, you be the judge.
This is my new, little friend at work. And this is his story of origin. Which is probably not comic-book-worthy, but it's at least Wenchie's-crappy-blog-worthy, so here goes.
I had just touched a Dove dark chocolate square to my tongue when my phone rang, and I could see that it was not someone who would completely understand if I answered the phone with food in my mouth. So I took the chocolate off my tongue and placed it on the little pad of stickies nearby.
When I got off the phone and stuck the chocolate back -- successfully, this time -- into my gaping maw, I noticed that the shape it left looked like a friendly choco-smile. What else could I do but draw two eyes?
And now, he is my own Wilson, like Tom Hanks had when he was on that deserted island and lost all that weight. Only made out of chocolate and not blood. Isn't he adorable? And like Wilson, my Wilson Jr. is embued with his own special personality. And I will keep him around forever.
Or until I build a raft and leave my shithole cubicle, and Wilson Jr. accidentally gets washed away in the storm. Whereafter I will always remember him fondly as the one who kept me company during my darkest days.
Yeah, I get a little bored at work sometimes.
Okay, photo two. This is The Girl Child. And this is what a ten year old girl thinks is a really cool outfit. (And I know this because I took her shopping and let her pick out an outfit all by herself.)
I'm assuming that, at school, this will be worn with Ugg boots on her feet. In her defense, this is way cuter -- and decidedly more feminine -- than the stuff I was wearing at her age. I could only describe my grade school style as Whatever the Boys Were Wearing That Made My Mother Cringe and Wonder If I Had Any Estrogen Whatsoever.
And then I hit 35, and the pendulum swung waaaaaaaaaaaaay the hell over to the other side. Now it's all sparkly nails and Hello Kitty! hoodies and false eyelashes. There is just no Happy Medium in Wenchie's World!
Hey, remember when I blogged about cleaning out my father's basement after a horrible flood? This is what the garbage men were confronted with during their route on the following Tuesday.
It may not look like much on my teeny-tiny blog, but trust me -- it cast a shadow over our Jeep Grand Cherokee. And it's not like he was hoarding feathers and packing peanuts, people! The man keeps WROUGHT IRON! And MOLTEN LEAD! And ALLOYS ANDIGIONOUS TO OTHER PLANETS! Those mutha-fockin' bags were HEAVY!
And that's all I'm allowed to say about it here because of the conditions stated in the lawsuit brought by the Waste Removal Workers of Cook County.
So let's end on a happy note. Look what Lola made me!
Isn't she adorable?! And she totally matches my office, which I love. And she has all kinds of cool textures on her! I could rub her nubbiness for hours! But then I would get her dirty, and I don't want that. So I just ocassionally caress her as I walk by...
And now I've said too much.