May 09, 2005
A Subtropical Interview
Subtropic couldn’t resist, so why should I? The deal:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
And since there are few things I like to talk about more than myself, I demanded an interview and got these AWESOME questions:
1. You wake up tomorrow and find that you have the heightened olfactory abilities of a dog. How will this change your life? What will you roll around in?
It would’ve been a nice trait to have after I discovered that Ophelia had a kegger in our home while we were on vacation. I’m pretty damn sure I know what went on, but the keen sense of smell would have told me approximately how many were there, what they smoked, what rooms they were in, what $ex acts went on, etc. But seriously, if I had a dog’s ability to smell food everywhere, that’d just make it even more ridiculously hard to resist food. In ten years, I’d make the news when they had to remove a wall of my house to get my dead, bloated body out. The paramedics would be like, “God, what did she roll in? Is that Oreos?”
2. (Stole this one from author John Dufresne.) You run into someone that you haven't seen for 20 years. Maybe you were friends, or dated casually, but there was never a relationship. During your conversation, you notice that there is a picture of you in his/her wallet. He/she is aware that you've seen it. What happens next?
Actually, something close to that happened. Eight years after we barely dated, an ex wrote me a letter, mailed to my parents’ house. Turns out, he’d been carrying a torch all those years, even becoming a drunk and then drying out. I was horrified to think that I caused him all that angst. And also, I just wanted to yell at him, “Dude, I’m so not worth it!” But back to your question and what happens next. I ask why it’s there and, whatever the answer, end the conversation quickly, out of sheer awkwardness. And then obsess over it for the rest of my life.
3. After you reached maturity, you had the ability to change $ex at will. However, the process is extremely painful, comparable to childbirth, and goes away after ten years. How often have you gender-flipped, what made you want to, and do you still have your original equipment?
So, I get to experience childbirth-like pain and be a man. Um, where's the supposed up-side? After the novelty of whacking off a few times gets old, I sure as hell don’t want to be a man for ten years. First of all, I don’t want to have a $ex thought every three seconds. I already have a hard enough time focusing already. Second of all, assuming I’d still be 35, straight, white and middle-class, I’d be one of the last groups it’s still “okay” to discriminate against. Forget it. No deal.
4. You ran over a dog with your car. You see the dog by the side of the road, still moving. Would you continue on your way, go back and try to help it or go back and put it out of its misery? (Or carve another notch in the dashboard...) How about a cat? A squirrel?
I’d go back and try to help it, without even thinking. A cat? No, sorry. And I know that cat-lovers everywhere are FREAKING OUT, but I just don’t like cats. In fact, I fear them. How do I know it’s not just pretending to be dying so it can lure me over and then STICK ALL ITS CLAWS IN MY FACE?! I’m not saying I’d laugh, I just wouldn’t stop. A squirrel? Been there, done that. Had to pull over for a minute, trying not to faint or barf. The tail was still twitching!
5. A relative you can't stand is dying, and needs a kidney transplant. You are the only person with a matching tissue type. Would you donate your kidney? What if the person is a pedophile? A murderer? At what point is the life not worth saving?
Depends on the age, really. The two relatives of mine I can’t stand are well over 70, and I just can’t justify slicing myself open, only to get 5-10 more years of asshole behavior. But if it were a child, or the parent of young children, I’d do it. But ONLY because, if it’s a relative, then I probably have other relatives who love him/her, and I’d do it for them, not the actual recipient. Pedophile or murderer? No way. Fuck ‘em.
* * * * *
Now. I don’t care who you are, if I know you or not, if you've ever commented or not -- I’d love to interview you! Leave me a comment! And when you answer the questions, I’ll link to it here.
December 30, 2004
My Boring-Ass Year In Review
You'll notice some numbers are missing. I just didn't have answers for them.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Started a workout program and kept it up for more than three days.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't do new year's resolutions. Too much pressure.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? If anyone had given birth close to me, I'd be too grossed out to type. Ha ha ha ha! Okay, seriously, no.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Luckily, no.
5. What countries did you visit? Is Omaha, NE, a different country? Cuz that's about as far as I got.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Infinite patience with my step-daughter(s).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? My two-year anniversary. Seriously, you throw a curmudgeony hermit like me into a new family situation with a Type-A personality and two female hormone bombs, and there were times I thought we wouldn't make it.
9. What was your biggest failure? Gaining more weight.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major. Just some tendonitis in my ankle, which allowed me to wear comfy gym shoes to work for a month, which was awesome!
11. What was the best thing you bought? A Dyson vacuum cleaner. I cannot believe the dog hair and crap it sucked outta my carpet. If my house was burning down, I would run in and save my Dyson.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Older step-daughter, Ophelia. Although she still dresses like a lap-dancer, she really straightened out her act and is well on her way to being a delightful, independent young adult.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The people who wailed and tore their hair out and ate ashes after the election. We're never going to have a perfect system or a perfect president. Power corrupts everyone. We should live our lives as best we can regardless of who is in the Oval Office.
14. Where did most of your money go? I have no clue. Probably gasoline, going back and forth to Sister's and Door County.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The promise that, some day, I will be published!
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big & Rich. Thanks, Egrau!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Way, waaaaaaaay happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, dammit.
c) richer or poorer? Richer, in so many ways.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Sex. Our damn schedules are so crazy.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Eating.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Christmas Eve, just my immediate family, with spouses and kids, at my Mom's, who is an awesome cook. Christmas Day, younger Sister's for a very casual get-together, so she's not stuck alone with her in-laws (seriously, I could write a book on those people). After that, it's off to Indiana for a belated, no doubt insanely crowded and hectic Christmas with Husband's family.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? Probably PJ. We call each other for the stupidest reasons, like snow, the promise of snow, and the betrayal of no snow.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? Actually, yeah. With Husband. All over again. That guy sure puts up with some shit.
23. How many one-night stands? What am I -- 23 again?
24. What was your favorite TV program? "LOST"
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate is an awfully strong word. And yet perfectly fitting for Paris Hilton.
26. What was the best book you read this year? "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant. Thanks again, Egrau!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Liz Phair.
29. What did you want and not get? Bruce Campbell. On a pony.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? "Kill Bill 2"
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Turned 35. Pizza and angel food cake with chocolate frosting with the family, so they could shower me with presents. Have I mentioned that I really like presents?
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If Husband's work issues had been taken care of a lot quicker. It made for a grumpy Hubby and not much time together.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? You can never have too many zip-up hoodies.
34. What kept you sane? Discovering that I don't have to be the perfect step-mom, over lunches with fellow-step-mom, K.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Bruce Campbell will always reign supreme, but Dominic Monaghan (i.e. Merry/Charlie) joined the running.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Anything involving our soldiers overseas. Although the only one I know personally is now home safe and sound, I remember the worry and continue to pray for them all, and their families.
37. Who did you miss? Li'l Natalie, as she is away in New York, following her dream and becoming a big star, whose coattails I totally intend to ride.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Lucy.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: You have way more control over your own life than you think. Actually, I always knew this; it was just reinforced.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder."
Until Monday! Adieu!
Posted at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)December 03, 2004
Five Questions
Memething from Hygelak the Dread
How this meme works:
1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
1) Did you ever go to college, and if so, for what? If not, why, and if you had, what would you have studied? Went to college for about 2 years. Community college, as I have no tolerance for dorm life. Nights, as I was working full time to afford an apartment with asshole boyfriend who screwed me over, leaving no more money for college. I majored in English, hoping to be a writer of some sort. Also developed an interest in anthropology, so I may have pursued that academically, too, had I not been attracted to a life-sucking psychopath.
2) What would be your perfect man (other than your husband), and why? Tall, dark and handsome. Very tall, but not too handsome. Older. Sarcastic, wry wit. Able to take it as well as dish it out. Bit of a dark side. Willing to take my crap to an extent but not get walked all over. Independent, able to make decisions. Able to build/fix just about anything. And I've just horrifyingly realized that I've described my father, so I'll have to add PASSIONATE, OPEN-MINDED AND TALKATIVE in order to differentiate. Oh, and he must believe I'm the coolest, most amazing woman ever. Natch'.
3) What is the funniest encounter you have ever had with John Kovalic, and how does that compare with the funniest thing that has ever happened in your life? How do I narrow it down? Our encounters get funnier as we get to know each other better. The time we played Pirates of the Spanish Main at O'Hare's International Terminal was surreally amusing. There was no hilarious slapstick, just good laughs. There was also the incident with John, a 1st Grenadier Guard, a camera, and four drunken wenches, but the Restraining Order is pretty specific about me not talking about it. And like John, all my friends are freakin' whackos, so I can't really narrow anything down to "Funniest Thing In My Life." I guess I'm blessed that way. Either that, or I'm just easily amused.
4) What do you realistically *want* to do with the rest of your life, and how do you think it will compare with what will *actually* happen in the rest of your life, and why? Husband and I have a 10-year plan (which we're now, in theory, 2.5 years into) to buy some wooded acreage up north, build a timberframe home and live like the Amish. If the Amish had TiVo and DSL and non-procreative sex. And if it doesn't actually happen, I'll make him pay for it for the rest of his life. Cuz I have that power.
5) What is your favorite personal stalker story (whether on the giving or receiving end)? Oh ho hooooooo. You have some mind-reading abilities, my friend. I have one that is a whole blog entry unto itself. I'll post it Monday. Stay tuned! Same bat time, same bat channel!
Posted at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)